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Do you discount someone else’s success by spreading rumours that he slept his way to the top?Chances are you are insecure about your own ability to achieve your goals.(And let’s be honest, the main reason we swipe is based on looks.) Gay beauty culture is as pervasive as it is toxic. Get off gay dating apps, or if you need some advice about how to use Grindr in a way that you don't go insane, take a look here.As corny as it sounds, you need to learn to love yourself. Often times, we got so caught up in trying to find a man that we completely forget to spend time with our friends.There’s no reason you “should” be in a monogamous relationship, if you don't feel that monogamy suits you.From the day we’re born, we’re told all of these lies about how a healthy relationship is supposed to look like.In fact, is selfish to expect someone else to always take the risk. If you take the initiative to ask him out, have a plan of what you want to do It was your idea to ask, so you should actually have an idea of a place to go. He may not have been thinking about going out with you, and suddenly placing the responsibility on him to come up with a plan is stressful and rude. If you ask him and he declines, you can certainly try again (and you should, life is short), but it is his turn to ask you Perhaps he doesn’t want to, which is a bummer but life goes on. Compliments should be part of an actual conversation. An introductory phone conversation can tell you a lot about him, in just minutes.And telling him, “Here is my number, text me if you want to go out sometime” is so depressingly passive, it does not deserve him giving you a response. Asking him to go out, and then following it with the question “So where do you want to go? If you can’t think of someplace to go, it suggests that perhaps you are, sorry to say, boring. If you offer the vague, non-committal “Let’s go out sometime,” and he agrees, you have three more texting encounters to finally make a suggestion Asking someone to get together “sometime,” but never finding the time to do it, means you are always finding other activities you would rather do than go out with him on that date you suggested. Or, perhaps your first invitation was very casual, so ask a second time with a more specific suggestion. If he wants to pursue any sort of connection—on a date, as friends, whatever—he needs to meet you halfway. Sadly, there are people in this world who will keep sending you “What’s up” text messages only because they seek attention more than they seek affection. If you asked him out, he said yes, and you agreed on a day/night of the week, always have a plan set before you go to bed the night before Even if it is a quick message of “I get off at work around ____, I will text you then,” that is enough to let him know you remembered, and you respect the fact that he can’t wait around for you all day. Cell phone technology has ruined the experience of talking on the phone, with garbled voices and never finding a convenient moment for both persons to talk.

Believing you’re more than your appearance is a lot easier said than done, especially in a time when most of us meet our partners by swiping right. It can really make you hate dating (and all men for that matter).

Two guys interested in each other romantically can stumble over those initial bumps in the road to romance and even marriage. With so many definitions of what makes a relationship, with open debate on the importance of legalized marriage or whether or not to be monogamous, it can be overwhelming to even think of how to ask someone out on a simple, old-fashioned date. If you aren’t sure of your schedule, of course you have the right to take a day or two to get back to him. You are not living in a Tennessee Williams drama, a southern belle sitting on your porch, sipping tea and welcoming gentlemen callers to woo you into marriage. When once we treated them with indifference, we now threaten them with overindulgence, as it is so easy to endlessly compliment them for doing nothing other than taking a selfie.

And despite the prevalence of so many ways to find sex online, there are still a lot of us who prefer the good ol’ dinner and a movie. If you want to go on a date with him, ask him out Welcome to the 21st Century, when straight women are empowered enough to ask men out. But if you turn him down, and then a week or two later you text him, “I’m not busy now! Sending a 21-year-old a “smile” on Adam4Adam or a “woof” on Scruff is nothing more than a fleeting thought, an effortless gesture; but those messages add up in their inboxes, and eventually those lovely young men think they somehow deserve the attention provided by the lists of men who apparently think they are special.

Endless texting, with the “What’s up” and “What do you like to do for fun” and “What are you into” questions, is no way to get to know a person.

Speaking requires you to contribute to the conversation.




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