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It's better to say, "No, I'm not available to discuss this right now. I'll be ready to talk about it in an hour." Then keep your promise. No wonder couples argue, get frustrated and eventually tune each other out! In the world of neuro-linguistic programming, we say that effective communication is when your message is not simply sent, but transmitted and received by the listener.

When we say one thing while rolling our eyes, tightening our lips and/or shrugging shoulders, we send another message, usually one of being dismissive, defensive and/or judgmental. This ensures active listening and allows you to focus on what the other person is saying instead of considering what you are planning on saying next. When talking about uncomfortable subjects, it's too easy to become judgmental, blaming and defensive -- tactics that all lead to communication breaking down.

It includes the use of visual cues such as body language (kinesics), distance (proxemics) and physical environments/appearance, of voice (paralanguage) and of touch (haptics).

In ‘olden times’ (read: pre text, email, IM, Facebook, Twitter, blogs etc), if someone wasn’t calling you and arranging to see you regularly, plus the relationship wasn’t growing, you knew they weren’t making an effort and that they had , that they are interested although we may realise on some level that it’s not as much as we would like. Here’s the thing: If you expecting bare basics such as being called and to be able to call on a regular basis, is going to scare them off, you 1) have to recognise that the relationship is doomed and that 2) you could stand to raise your standards somewhat.A lack of affection from one partner can put a real strain on a relationship, as the other person may feel unloved, unwanted or lonely.If your girlfriend isn't showing affection to you, there are a number of factors that could be to blame.Priding yourself on being a pit-bull, taking things personally, finger-pointing, finding fault and needing to have the last word just doesnt work.Instead, set your intention for how you want the conversation to go so both of you win and take some time to really think about all the different possibilities and outcomes.

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